Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Where's the A-Team when you need them?

I just spent the weekend at a ballet performance with my wife which was interesting ( Lord of Flies meets Lion King musical), but now I need to get my man juices flowing talking about things like hotdogs and beer. So I watched from the balcony section this performance like I was Waldorf and Statler from the muppets waiting for either the second act of Muppets Take Manhattan or having the Great Santos Brothers steal my friar's club jacket. During intermissions I was texting my brother about the NFL Draft Combine in order to see if Jamarccus Russell would weigh in as a lineman or linebacker? I anticipated every intermission as if it were a game I was missing and someone was texting me the scores periodically. BTW I thoroughly enjoyed the dance performance. I feel more cultured.

These are things you do when you are married or in a relationship. I'm not saying that it's fair, but it's quite a compromise in exchange for the endless hours of sports I watch. We'll debate the importance of each later. For now, I want to exclaim some anger over recent television show's plots. First off, I tend to get caught up in t.v. shows when football draws to a close. There's like this window of opportunity for me to get hooked on a show like it did back in 1990 when a show called "Beverly Hills 90210" aired on Fox. Life was over. I had to learn to split my Thursdays between college basketball (ACC) and Dillon McKay eating leftovers at the Peach Pit.

The only problem is now that I have to share the t.v. with my wife which it always seems to land on shows that I can't stand. For example, what's the deal with Grey's Anatomy star character. I mean first she likes Loverboy Dempsey, then she can't take committment, and now she spends 3 episodes trying to die. All of this concludes at the end of February sweeps with her magically recovery from a 90 minute dead period (no brain activity-should be brain damage) only to sit up and start talk about her near death experience. I can't wait until next week when she performs open heart surgery on her self only to screw up the stitching at the end because it reminds her of the time her grandmother sewed her a sweater. If you could have peeked into my world during that show I began to openly root for her death as if it was George Mason pulling off another upset during March Madness. Don't get me wrong I like the actress, can't stand the plot. Let's see how many people we can kill off (almost) to draw ratings.

Next on the list of shows that has befuddled me with plot twists is Prison Break. I can't blame my wife for this one because I got hooked onto it like pizza by the slice just after a night out drinking on Monday night. The main issue with the show is that every week these two brothers running from the law as if they were Clint Eastwood in Escape from Alcatraz. The last time I saw convicts this smart the A-Team was running the ratings game. They had cool characters and plots that never killed anyone, but was loaded with action. As if the plot on the show could get any more far fetched they have the brother whose on death row for killing the PRESIDENT, escape from prison!!! Like that guy would ever see the light of day. Not in my lifetime. He would accidently get transferred to Afghanistan prison where there are no cameras. The show was so cool when they were trying to break out of prison, now that it has hit the open road it has stunk.

My wife's last show she has me watch is a show called Medium. It stars Patricia Arquette as a physic who see's the future in her dreams. I really feel for the husband on the show because he gets waken more throughout the night then a single dad raising an 2 month old. The guy gets no sleep, wakes up the next morning and is all la dida. No way. I would be popping Ambien like I was Britney Spears at the beginning of a weekend bender. Not too mention this woman continually seems to jump to conclusions about all her dreams being real. Lady they are dreams. Not always reality. If I were her husband I would be getting her a drink everynight before she goes to sleep because we all know that no one sleeps better than a mother of 3 kids with no alcohol.

Well, March Madness has come upon us and ruined my wife's television viewing. She was so upset last week when at the end of her shows they started saying in 3 weeks watch.... Once March is over, then baseball begins. Hope Directv and MLB figure out a deal so I can watch my Red Sox. No way I'm going to wait until Summer for Saturday Fox baseball. I need my NESN! More important I need Rollie Fingers look alike Dennis Eckersely breaking down my Sox bullpen.