Friday, December 16, 2005

Making New Friends

Started the new job this past week. Boy am I over my head. Just kidding. It's going to be like George Castanza running through Play Now. Started my work week off by going through the muntiae that is Human Resources. If there was a kid in any of your college classes that only showed up 50 percent of the time, and always asked to borrow peoples notes than they had Human Resources written all over their forehead.

HR is a wasteland of paperwork and stupid logistical standards that we all have to go through with pain. The other day I had to fill out a timesheet. It was like rewriting the Declaration of the Independence. They review you over and over as if by some magical chance it will be different from last week. Not too mention this is my first week. Jeez Bob, it looks like our new employee has worked 95 hours this week. Must be putting in some OT on that new big project.

The rest of my day was spent trying to find the quietest bathroom in the whole building. Memo to self. Next time I negotiate for a job, ask for a private bathroom. I think I may have to use the handicap bathroom for the next few weeks until I can find an alternative. I love the high seat in those bathrooms.

I was given a task to go through some online training courses that are about the same as listening to War and Peace on tape. The training module has a girl sitting a desk talking into a microphone as she describes how to use certain applications. You can hear her smacking on some gum, phone ringing in the background,and then someone using the copy machine breaks into a full on panic, "Does anybody know how to fix this damn thing!" Finally today, I was able to figure out how to put a cool signature on my emails so that everyone knows that I am a pathetic Saints fan. I love the minimize function on computers.

Overall not a bad first week. Next week we start training videos. Plus I start working one on one with a trainer/coach. Can't wait. Hopefully I will get somebody who just doesn't care anymore about their job so they spend the whole time telling about how Jane in Accounting is sleeping with Michael and Jimmy the mail clerks. Can't wait start the work gossip. Unaveritas is a hetro male Aquarius who likes to drink Abita and takes pictures and rearrange them in photoshop.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas

Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How'd you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

- Christmas Vacation

As we draw closer to Christmas my memory starts to invoke past holiday traditions that are no longer. Around this time of the year, my brothers and I would moan and begrudging fall prey to our mother's well wishes to attend caroling in Jackson Square. It wasn't an age old tradition, just one that my mother started recently and decided to inflict guilt upon us for not attending. So with that being said, this year I won't be there and I don't even know if it's still being held.

What once was? How I do remember those crazy little things about the Christmas holidays. I once remember that my parents couldn't afford a flocked tree, so instead my mother would buy Dove detergent soap for us to coagulate into a white powdery substance and douse the tree with the stuff. We ended up getting more on us than on the tree, but the highlight of the night was putting the stuff in my brother's hair when mom wasn't looking. I distinctly remember my mom pulling out the Time Life Christmas Albums. What a beautiful thing to hear Bing Crosby sing Rudolph or to hear the soothing sensation of Nat King Cole gliding across the room as we hung ornaments.

One year my pops got the Clark Griswold notion of chopping our own tree down. So we hopped in the back of his red datsun truck with a cover, and drove an hour to chop down a Christmas tree. All I can remember was me and my younger brothers spreading joy to the world as we marked our territory among a patch of Christmas trees. I remember the year my uncle dressed up like Santa only to have my younger brother pull his beard off in front of everyone. How traumatizing. It was a blast. Always a story, a memory, a feeling that will never be forgotten as Louis Armstrong would sing...It's Christmas time in New Orleans...