Monday, October 24, 2005

"What the hell is going on out there?" - Vince Lombardi

Yesterday I was at the store shopping for more food to stock our refrigerator at my cousin's house when I passed the liquor aisle. It had been a long time since I passed the liquor aisle and not purchased some beer or wine.

Needless to say the past previous few weeks were wearing on my like a thin sheet of dabardine.
I think we need some beer. When I moved myself down towards where the beer is stocked to mammoth proportions I distinctly remembered my brothers warning me about the inflation of beer prices in California.

"Man it's almost as bad as filling the car up with gas," my younger brother once mentioned.
"I don't know whether to run out of gas or run out of beer? What's more important?" he questioned.

This initial shock of price gouging was worse than the time I went to the movies the first time and paid full price not student price. "You want how much for two tickets. Shit I might as well sell a kidney to go see Doom.

I looked fearlessly at the prices of beer. No shock what so ever. Just typical California sticker inflation of 40-50 cents. I remarked to my wife that if they made organic beer that people out here would finally drink beer. Since everyone out here is so health conscience and politically conscience I laugh at the organic food stores with lines backed up like Walmart checkout lines ten minutes before closing time.

That's when creative ingenuity hit me. My cousins are very big into the wine and cheese get togethers. They are constantly having these parties at each other's million dollar homes where they drink Chardonnay from Southern France and sip on Spanish Bordeaux. Last time I went to one of their parties I was the lone ranger drinking Corona's by the panic fold thinking there would be none left in a half-hour. Silly me. I was the only one drinking Corona's. At the end of the night I had to empty out a garbage bag filled with empty Corona bottles out in the recycle bin because no one else cared to share a beer. So when this lasting image of myself drinking Corona's entered my mind another image crossed it. One from back in my early adulthood years when I worked for my pop's electrical company. My uncle and I would always bust out of work early on Fridays to get some tallies and play 9 holes at the city muni golf course. That's when I decided the next time I am going to these wine parties I will be carrying my EdTV drink holder that I got at Mardi Gras and is a life saver during party functions. Never forget where you place your beer it's always around your neck. Not too mention I will be loaded down with two 32 ounces of Miller High Life tallies. That's right. The High Life. Champagne of beers. No more worrying about drinking their Corona's it'll be me and a couple of tallies sharing in the memories of yesterday. Not too mention 32 ounces of beer for 2.99 isn't a bad price. That's two beers for 4 dollars and compared in our financially crisis world we live in today, that's a down right bargain. Here's to me losing on Party, to winning five bucks on a cherry bomb picker at the local 7 eleven, and to watching the San Antonio Mudbugs or Los Angeles Komonodragons (a.k.a N.O. Saints) next season go 0-16.


At 8:59 PM, Blogger bayou_boy504 said...

Man I am so jealous that you get to shop at 7-11. Who would have ever thought that by taking a daiquiri machine and sucking out the alcohol that one could make a fortune by selling the tasty drinks to folks?


I'll tell you what. If you bring a 7-11 to New Orleans, I'll actually sit down and watch the Saints in whatever city they are located in as long as I have a BIG BITE and a SLURPEE in my hands.

At 9:15 PM, Blogger lucasjackson7 said...

The Los Angeles Komonodragons! Ha, that's too much!

I watched EdTV the other night on TNT. It's one of those movies you just can't turn the channel away from.

The remarkable thing about the beer coozie was that his was homemade. Way to go, Ed!

At 8:21 AM, Blogger The Movie Guys said...

Given the hideous, digusting, circumstances of their impending move, they should be renamed

1) The Hurricane Profiteers (their helmets would feature cash on one side and the crying Mardi Gras mask on the other)

However, if you want something less overt, but appropriately captures the nature of Benson, you could go with...

2) child molesters
3) baby seal bashers
4) Nazis (or stormtroopers,I'm flexible)

At 12:03 PM, Blogger FFMarathon said...

Dudes - anybody have a pic of the beer holder?

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