No need to thank me.

Being a teacher has provided me with a wealth of experience from the hindsight of an old person. How old I will leave that up to the judges of the Miss America Pageant for now I am happy being 25 over and over again until someone tells me to grow up. While looking at the teenage boys I teach I realize how fads come and go so quickly and I try to relate it to my students. They don’t understand that I am a product of the 80’s. Meaning I went to high school in the 80’s and sometimes I dream that if I had a time machine I would go back to 1982. Dooodoo, Dooooodoooo. Dooooodoooo.

There I am wearing Jams like they were the hottest thing on the market. I didn’t care they came in only two colors hot pink or hawaiian pink. I still wear them when I mow the lawn today. On a hot day I pull out my half shirts. You remember those, they would cover right up to your mid section. They use them abundantly in movies to emphasize the portrait of a southern man who doesn’t have a job and lives on a below average income and follows stock car racing. I looked like a body-builder even though I had the physique of Screech and Corey Haim (before he hit puberty). When I would go out I would put on my Panama Jack t-shirt, they were usually stacked right next to the Spuds Mckenzie bud shirts. Nothing better than a dog with a black eye surfing reassuring the Bud is the best beer. Somewhere buried underneath are my Hard Rock Café shirts from all over the world. Whenever a friend of mine would go on a trip, I would give him money to buy me a shirt from the local Hard Rock to add to my ridiculous collection. Most of all I hated to wear my Members Only jacket when I was wearing an Izod shirt because I didn’t want to hide the alligator logo.

15 minutes… That’s the time I spent on cuffing my pants or jeans at the bottom so tight that I think blood stopped circulating to my feet within seconds. I especially did this with my Z-Cavaricci’s or stoned washed jeans. Then, I would put on my fresh new pair of Tretorns that I had just replaced the ugly Roos with the pocket on the side with.

30 minutes… The amount of time I spent moussing my hair with Vidal Sassoon. Then I would rearrange it about a dozen times before leaving the house with what I will only refer to as “the Wall”. This was the front portion of my hair would be moussed up like a wave about to tumble over except it has harden to the point of breaking objects. I would then douse myself in Polo (original green bottle) or Drakar. If it was early teens, then I could be seen with a small gold rope chain. If it was my late teens a leather necklace with a sharks tooth. I sometimes wore silk shirts that were three times the size I should have been wearing. Must have been the Miami Vice reruns.

Most of all, I would listen to the radio and tape songs over other cassettes by placing masking tape over the top. I never forgive myself for taping over my Debbie Gibson, Out of the Blue, cassette. I knew the secret code to getting more lives on Super Mario Brothers. I was excellent at Spy Hunter, I could get to the point where I got my speed boat and that was when the real fun began. That’s when I would crank up the Phil Collins soundtrack. I used to rock at TecmoBowl, the orginal that had players that no one ever knew. When Super TecmoBowl came along, all I can say is I could win with even the Indianapolis Colts. I knew the secret to getting over a 100 sacks in a season. Only one team had a quarterback fast enough to escape my nose tackle, damn you Randall Cunningham. Saturday Night Live was at it’s best with the Church Lady. There were many nights I wish I knew karate better than Danny LaRusso. “Strike first, Strike hard. Cobra Kai shows no mercy.” Not too mention I really believed I would be drafted in the first round for my Nerf Football skills. By the way, was I the only one who wore socks up to my knees or was I just ahead of my time. No one had a better time of making a fool out of themselves than me during the 80’s. I guess it happens in to all us at different times.