For now this will have to do.

The top ten list is on hold for a few more days….. I know no one out there really cares, but if you do read on here’s to a mid-life crisis at the age of 28. When I started making the top ten list , I was outside mowing my lawn, which takes every ounce of energy within my body to complete. In order to understand the magnitude of hate that I have for my lawn I must first tell you about it. The lawn must have been constructed by Zeus or some other mythogical god to test Perseus in battle of wills. Sort of like how Harry Hamlin, Perseus, was tested in the “Clash of the Titans” by Medussa. Well, this lawn is about half a block long and a quarter of block wide. It’s not the size of the damn lawn that gets me, it’s the fact that the land is not level. It’s like I’m trying to mow down Carrollton Avenue, they have potholes and other divots that make it incredibly difficult to mow. If I could sum up the lawn in one word, it would have to be; excruciating. I’d don’t even know if that could be magnified more because if it could I would add on the mostest excruciating thing.

So, I devised a plan for this summer. No way anyone is going to sucker me into mowing that dirty dog again for pleasant Napalm like summer here in New Orleans. My plan is to start working the elementary schools. I will start posting ads around the school for easy work for easy cash this summer. Need money for latest Ashlee Simpson “Girl gone wild video”. Get rich quick, not by Matthew Lesko, but by mowing down your future opportunities. In order to better my chances I will hire the oldest and best looking girls at the school to promote my job as the best thing going down this summer. All the slip’n’ slide you want after you finish the lawn. Hopefully, I will get a few bites from the elementary kids because high school kids are too lazy to do anything and smart to realize this is going to require work. Next I will hit up the snowball stands, ice cream parlors, and even playground snack huts. Bound to endless young kids wanting to make a few bucks mowing a lawn. Once the first kid shows up I will pay him in installments. You mow this week you get half your check, come back next week and get the rest. Sort of like Mr. Miagi philosophy. Before you know I will have the kid washing my car and walking the dog for an extra 10. Word will start spreading and more kids will want part of the action. I will then offer my services to the lowest bidder. An all out bidding war will take place similar to one that took place in this fine city of mine over new parking meters. Except, I’m not stupid enough to pay to the highest bidder. I will have my own little sweatshop of lawn mowers coming in on a weekly basis. They will receive one 5 minute break, if they want cold water from inside it will cost them 2 dollars. Gotta make money back in concession prices. I don’t pay overtime. So they must finish the job in 3 hours. One holiday off for the summer, which will be July 4th. If they decide to take a week off, than they may not have a job waiting for them when they get back. Listen up Tommy boy, there is a young lad right down the street willing to take your spot if you miss one day. He’s just itching for the chance to hop right in and tear up some grass.
I gotta run. I got fliers to handout.